A New Term Begins for the X-Men’s ‘B-Class’

With the start of the new term at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, we thought it would be nice if we caught up with some of the teachers in the school to see how things were going. We were obviously the most interested in reaching out to Scott Summers who in the past was teaching the so-called ‘B-Class’ of new students. When we sat down with him about the new students he wasted no time in continuing his tirade against the lot. “Well fuck,” he begins. “Another year, another new set of rejects. Great.” “For starters, you have this one girl who can melt ice with her mind. Only ice, nothing else. So great, you’re about as useful as sitting in a temperate room for about 5 minutes.” “Then there’s the kid who can talk to flies. Of all the animals that this kid could be able to talk to, the only one is a common housefly. He also says that the only thing that they ever talk about is finding some new rotting pile of garbage or shit to eat. So super helpful.” “And this wouldn’t be a well-rounded class of rejects if it weren’t for the student that has a practical power but has to use it in an impractical way. This year’s lucky winner is this one girl that can move objects with her mind. Useful right? Not when she has to loudly shout ‘I am moving things with my mind!’ in order to actually use it. All instances of stealth are out the window with her.” We asked if he had managed to speak with Xavier about his position and whether he would be able to switch jobs soon. “Yes and he said no. I’m still not even sure why I’m stuck with this job. Well, there was that one prank I pulled where I filled the Cerebro helmet with gelatin and it made a massive mess when he put it on, but that was like three years ago. Surely he’s still not mad about that.” When we asked Xavier about the reasoning for Scott’s position, he stated “It most certainly is because of that incident and that [he] was still very mad about it.” #xmen #marvel #satire #cyclops

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