Magnet-o’s Not To Be Cleared by FDA
“Conjecture and hearsay” commented known mutant advocate, Magneto, at a press conference last Thursday. The cereal, “Magnet-o’s”, are an iron-rich, fiber-based cereal, in the shape of o’s, and were made to directly compete with the increasingly popular “Wolvie-o’s.”
Unfortunately for Magneto, the FDA has put the kibosh on the iron-rich cereal due to reasons which they cite, “Will ensure the enslavement of the human race indefinitely.”
Through the FDA testing process, it has been confirmed that once ingesting the cereal, the increased iron content will remain in your system and compound upon further ingestion, which turns any person who eats the cereal into “essentially a human meat puppet” for Magneto according to sources.
When asked about these findings, Magneto’s response was as follows: “This claim, that my cereal will enable me full control over any person who eats it, is clearly the workings of anti-mutant groups who wish to see nothing more than people not enjoying the sweet, iron-rich, blood and honey flavor of Magnet-o’s.”
At this time, Kellogg’s is “on the fence right now” about pushing forward with production, with already having sunk close to ten million dollars in advertising, and twenty-five million dollars in brand production and factory costs.
“This is just your classic damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.”, chuckled brand manager Chuck Reiff. “It really seems like we’re dead anyways, so why not eat some good cereal on the way?”
More updates to follow as further tests are concluded.