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Scott Summers to Lead New Class of ‘B-List’ X-Men

Scott Summers, a member of the X-Men known as Cyclops and one of the teachers at Xavier’s School for the Gifted, has been tasked with teaching and leading a new generation of X-Men. When we caught up with him to ask him about the new position, he seemed less than enthused. When asked why, he explained that it had to do with the makeup of this class.

“They’re what you would call the ‘B-List’ of the X-Men,” he stated. “Sure they might do something worthwhile with their lives but for the most part they’re teens with odd and not very helpful abilities.”

A little taken aback by his candor, we asked how, if he was an educator of young minds, he could hold such a position and think that his students wouldn’t amount to much.

“Look, I’m just a little frustrated,” he explained. “I’m one of Xavier’s more trusted pupils and yet I’m stuck playing babysitter to kids with some of the dumbest and most useless powers.”

“For Christ’s sake, one of these kids’ powers is to talk to frogs. Do you know how useful that power is? Zero. And you know what they want to be called? Frogger. Why the hell would you want to name yourself after a suicidal video game frog?”

“And then there’s the girl that can generate extra heat but only enough to make like a piece of toast. Toast. Your mutation is the ability to make toast.”

“Don’t even get me started on the guy who can create supersonic waves but only on Wednesdays. Seriously, we tried doing it other days of the week but it only ever worked on Wednesdays, and even on those days, he has to yell 'Huuuump daaayyy!'.”

But surely it’s just an honor to be able to teach these young adults and lead them down a path where they can lead a normal and healthy life we asked him.

“I guess but damn why am I stuck with the sub-par kids? I could be teaching the kids who can teleport or melt things with their mind, things that could actually be helpful to us in the field. What did I do to piss off Xavier enough to get me this gig?”

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