top of page

People Confused as Man Runs Through Streets Yelling 'Fear Me!' While Squirting Ketchup at Pe

Reports have been flooding into police departments of a man running around Gotham City disrupting people’s daily business by spraying various condiments at them. The man has been seen to run up to an unsuspecting victim, yelling madly into the air that he is the greatest evil mastermind ever, before squirting ketchup on the victim and sprinting off.

“He came out of nowhere,” said Mary Castor, a local Gothamite and museum curator who was one of this man’s many victims. “He ran up to me, told me to tremble in fear, and then sprayed mustard all over me. Then he just ran away. One of the weirdest things I’ve experienced in my life, and living in a city that’s protected by an insane man in a bat suit that’s saying something.”

Another witness claims that this madman made a demand to anyone willing to listen during his attack.

“This man just maniacally sprinted towards me, arms flailing, screaming random things,” says Jonathan Roberts, a Metropolis man in town on business. “He was screaming things like ‘Fear me!’ and ‘Tell Batman to come out and face his greatest adversary!’ It was actually a little disheartening to see the little guy try so hard.”

When asked for a comment a GCPD spokesman said: “ We have received many reports of this clearly mentally unstable man running through the city and assaulting people with various relishes and dijons. He keeps demanding that Batman show himself to square off with him. Although it’s entirely within our ability to do so, we feel that he’s got some bigger problems to deal with. This isn’t worth his time.”

bottom of page