Beast Resorts to Selling Novelty T-Shirts for Funding


Hank McCoy, also known as Beast, the highly intelligent member of the X-Men, has had trouble funding his latest project due to a squabble with Professor Charles Xavier, his long time friend and benefactor. According to various sources, McCoy accused Xavier of using loaded die during a game of Parcheesi, and now the two are no longer on speaking terms.

“If Hank believes I cheated in a simple board game, he is gravely mistaken, and should apologize for his ill-pointed hairy finger,” said Xavier who winked after giving his statement.

“And even if we were still speaking, I can’t use it, so why would I back it? No pun intended”

For months, McCoy has been struggling to find a financial backer for his latest project, “Naughtyy Blue,” a temporary, blue pubic hair dye/personal lubricant for men which colors the hair and genitals of men to the distinctive blue color of Beast's fur. It also provides a protective layer to be used in lieu of a condom and prevents the contraction of all STDs. A fact which, oddly, is not part of the marketing campaign.

Due to the lack of funding, the highly respected scientist, mutant rights activist, and defender of Earth has resorted to selling “Beast Mode” t-shirts outside of a local Retro Fitness, in a turn of events in which he describes as “Utterly humiliating.” The shirt, which is currently being sold in blue, navy blue, and black, consists of a centered picture of Beasts face, and the text “Beast Mode,” across the top.

In an inventory update, it is reported that the navy blue is sold out, there are limited amounts of black left, and there are plenty of blue.

#Marvel #XMen #Beast #Satire