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Ego Uses Arnold Schwarzenegger Soundboard to Evade Further Questioning from Quill

In a recent effort to connect estranged children to their parents yet again, the YMCA hosted a local event which aimed to do just that. “A lot of times kids find out who their parents are, but they just don’t have the proper venue to meet with them and break the ice. This way, everyone has a safe space to reconnect and have a little fun doing so,” said Diane Leight, the event organizer. The event hosted nearly 200 kids and their estranged parent(s), which included a Guardian of the Galaxy, Peter Quill, a.k.a. Star Lord, and his father, the living planet, Ego.

Quill, having been separated from his mother at the age of 8 due to her untimely death, never knew his father. “I was raised by Yondu and the Ravagers. I know it sounds like an awful way for a kid to grow up, but he took care of me, and taught me how to take care of myself. I couldn’t have really asked for more. But I would like to know where I come from, truly.”, said Star Lord, “I can’t wait to meet him.”

As the event carried on, connections were made, and stories were told. Tears were shed, and smiles and laughs were aplenty. However, according to our source at the event, Quill struggled to get any information from his father, Ego, as it was made clearly evident that the planet was using an Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard to answer all of his sons questions while being as vague as possible in order to evade actual answers. “It was extremely frustrating, I mean, God damn that was rough,” said Star Lord. “I asked him what he is, and he kept telling me ‘my cpu is a neural net processor, a learning computer,’ whatever the fuck that means. I also wanted to get to know him, so I wanted to know WHO he is. So, he (the soundboard) just shouted ‘you’re a choirboy to me, a fucking choir boy!’, I was pretty annoyed to say the least.”

For Quill, this was more than just a time to get to know his father, he wanted to know how his father and mother met, and discuss the death of the heroes mother. “I asked Ego [Quill’s father] about my mother and why he wasn’t there when she died. All he kept playing was the clip, ‘who is your daddy, and what does he do?’ At that point, I was not going to have any more of his shit and I wanted to get to the point, so I asked him if he had anything to do with the death of my mom. The son of a bitch just kept playing the ‘It’s not a tumor! It’s not a tumor!’ clip and then he disappeared. What a piece of shit. It almost seemed like he was actually trying to say something, like he was guilty. I guess I’ll never know.”

For a lot of people, the event held smiles and tears of joy, but for Star Lord of the Guardians of the Galaxy, this day brought nothing but more questions for the galactic hero. Why was his father, a planet, using an Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard to communicate? Was Ego guilty of killing his wife, Quill’s mother? It seems it is not for us to know, but we certainly do hope that one day the Guardian will find out. Be sure to check out the YMCA’s event calendar for more info about upcoming festivities.

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