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X-Men & Others Stage Intervention For Wolverine

NEW YORK – Occasionally, we all need a little help and the heroes of this world are no exception. Recently, The Twisted Cape was on hand as a group of heroes attempted to give help to one of their own. Wolverine, AKA Logan, has long been a member of the superhuman/mutant community. The leaders and members of multiple hero organizations recently got together to tell Logan about a very important issue – his hygiene. Members of the X-Men, the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, and Canadian super team, Alpha Flight, among others, were all on hand to discuss his recurring issue. Excerpts from the intervention are included below.

“You’ve been my teammate and friend for so long that it’s difficult for me to tell you when you smell like a wet, dirty dog.” – Cyclops

“There are times when you smell like a city garbage truck in the summer. That’s saying something considering that we live in the sewers.” – Callisto

“I’m not sure a simple deodorant would take care of it. Maybe we should develop a body wash specific to your particular body odor.” – Beast

“Boy, you so funky, we should change your name to George Clinton.” – Luke Cage

“I can smell you from clear across the city, and you are frequently upwind.” – Daredevil

“Dude, it’s bad.” – Spider-Man

“Perhaps we can adapt my unstable molecules to provide you with a soap that actively combats your particularly unyielding scent. Dr. McCoy is right, science is the key.” – Reed Richards

“To put all this in perspective, after a day of fighting and working out, I’ve caught whiffs of my own taint and I prefer that to your constant body odor and I’m fully covered in hair.” – Sasquatch

We caught up with Wolverine after the intervention was complete and he was visibly emotional. “I had no idea they all felt so strongly. I don’t even realize that it’s as strong as it is. I think I need to make a change.” Hopefully, Wolverine is able to get the help (or unstable molecule soap) that he needs to correct this egregious problem. Keep it here on The Twisted Cape for all your hero hygiene needs.

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