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Red Skull Left to Clean Up Gamora and Natasha Romanov

“At least give me supplies,” a visibly frustrated Red Skull said during a recent interview with the TC.

After the events of “the snap,” or the “blip,” as some are calling it, the TC is looking to see how all the major players involved with these events have turned out afterwards. Some have passed on, some have regained what they lost, and some... are left to clean up the mess. One of these custodians a la’ “blip” is none other than the Red Skull. Cursed to reside on a mountaintop on Vormir to be the guide to the Soul Stone for all eternity, Red Skull says his interactions with those who venture to the stones location are often “quite messy,” and “maddeningly unnecessary.” “In order for one person to obtain the stone, another has to die. And everyone believes that the only way to accomplish dying is by hurling themselves or throwing someone off of the mountaintop, which makes a big mess at the bottom that I then have to clean up.”

The last people to perish on Vormir were heroes Gamora and Black Widow (Natasha Romanov), who were thrown or threw themselves to their death, leaving the Red Skull to clean it up. “Presentation is everything. If someone else comes here seeking the stone, I don’t want them seeing a dead body where they might throw themselves.” But according to the infamous villain, the most frustrating part about these instances is the fact that he has no cleaning supplies to tidy up the area. Leaving him to make due with the very little resources he has on the uninhabited planet. “When I started here, my clothes were not this tattered. I take pride in my appearance, but I have to make due and use what I can to clean the blood out of the concrete. It takes days of scrubbing with my robe to clear the area with the little water that I can gather from the planet. It is infuriating. I had just nearly finished cleaning up the green blood left from Gamora before Romanov goes and throws herself off to leave her red blood everywhere. Now I have this brown stain on my concrete that I cannot get out. Imbeciles.”

When asked if there was some other way of obtaining the soul stone, the Skull had some suggestions, “Walk down to the bottom of this godforesaken mountain and choke on a rock for all I care! Just stop jumping and making a mess!”

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