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Two-Face Unable to Make Decision When Posed with Three Choices of Jelly While Shopping

Reports have been flooding in that the villain Two-Face, also known as the former Gotham City District Attorney Harvey Dent, has been seen standing in a supermarket aisle, pacing with anxiety over having to make a choice of three strawberry jelly brands.

The binary villain is well known for making bilateral decisions by means of flipping a coin. This tactic, given the possibility of only two outcomes, seems to work well for the former attorney. But this strategy quickly falls apart when given multiple options.

“He was just standing there, almost paralyzed in fear, staring emptily towards the jellies” said local Gotham supermarket enthusiast Carol Philips. “When you revolve your whole life around the number two you gotta prepare yourself for when a three eventually gets thrown your way.”

“We’ve tried to ask him to leave. We’ve tried to help him make his decision. Hell, we’ve tried to make the decision for him,” says store manager Pat Winters. “But every time we do he just threatens to use his coin on us. ‘Let fate sort us out’ he says.”

A recent trip to the grocery confirms that Mr. Dent is indeed stuck making what to him seems an impossible decision. He has been standing there debating the options for, what amounts to a twist of irony, three days now.

“He’s gotta make a decision soon,” continued Mr. Winters. “And when he does, boy I don’t want to be the one to tell him that he needs to decide on a jam, jelly, or preserve.”

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